Let my love open the door
Posted on Wednesday, December 21st, 2005 by CJ
Technology is killing chivarly. Chilvary. Dammit. CHIVALRY. There. My stupid fingers finally forced the word out. But however you might spell it, technology and convenience (hey, I got that one right on the first try!) are killing it. Actually, it's mostly dead already.
Back when the kids went on dates to the sock hop — and all the way up to the late 1980s, even — it was always customary for the gentleman to open the door for the lady. No matter where there were doors, the guy opened it for the chick. House, store, restaurant, car. But there was one little thing that always tipped off the guy as to whether or not the girl was having a good time: After he'd unlock the passenger door to his car and let his date in, he'd look to see if she leaned across and unlocked his driver's door as well. A well-mannered girl who was interested in her date would always unlock the door for the driver. Can you see where I'm going with this?
That's right — power door locks! Especially now that the remote entry system is pretty much standard, it's impossible to open just the passenger door. 
If you open that door, you open them all. There's no chance for the guy to see whether or not his date is into him! (Well, of course, unless once he gets in the car, she leans over and makes out with him profusely. But that's besides the point.) He can still be all suave and open her door for her, but she can't give him any reciprocation.
Not only that, but lots of places do the valet thing, and in a lot of cities, it's damn-nigh impossible to find parking anywhere near the restaurant anyways, so you have to valet. (I hate to valet, but that's a whole other story for another website.) And when the valet brings the car around, not only have they unlocked all the doors of the car, but they're even holding the doors open for you and your date! The valet guys are completely cock-blocking you.
Fellas, the solution is clear: You have to go out and buy a 1978 AMC Gremlin. There is no possible way that an AMC Gremlin could have automatic door locks. Then take your date somewhere that couldn't possibly have a valet but is assured to have its own parking lot. Might I suggest a local Wendy's?
December 21st, 2005 at 1:17 pm
Definitely, CJ. I’ve had this problem. Automatic locks are totally skewing my radar. I can’t buy myself a ‘78 Gremlin, so I guess I’m just going to have to develop some new method of detecting trash.
Let’s put our heads together on this one.
December 21st, 2005 at 1:40 pm
whenever i get the chance, i always toggle the power lock for my date. i adore doors being opened for me. i also enjoy being called sweetheart, dollface, etc…with no fear of it robbing me of my independence or strength!
December 21st, 2005 at 2:28 pm
My boyfriend has a car WITHOUT power locks and the first time I unlocked his door for him he told me that was a sure sign I was a good woman. I never realized how much that meant until after reading your post - I thought I was just being polite!
January 7th, at 2:43 pm
I had the same problem and have since come up with other methods of testing to see how caring and giving a girl is. My favorite? If after I get out of the shower in the morning and my bed is made. That’s usually a sign of a woman.