32 Lines About 15 Women
Posted on Friday, February 17th, by CJ
[Ed. note: If you're unfamiliar with the song "88 Lines About 44 Women" by The Nails, read this before going further. So what if my rhyme scheme isn't exact? Let's see you do all this.]
I really felt appreciated when you took the call from your ex
Immediately after we had sex
Cleaning my desk was a nice move
But berating me about a private note you dug out just wasn't smooth
I didn't mind going down on you
But complaining because your roommate was home at the time made me blue
I know people say don't fall asleep mad
So telling me you'd had enough at 4am and I had to sleep on the floor was bad
I kind of realized you had a problem with pot
When I wanted to hook up when you were sober and you said "not"
I took you on a trip to San Francisco
You had a breakdown and screamed that night, I knew you were schizo
Why don't you take a swing at me?
It'll reinforce my point, I'll leave with glee
You threw a fit at my company Christmas party
That year, my gift was pity from my co-workers, who thought you were snotty
I had to argue politics with you so my mind wouldn't rot
You watched E! all the time, but talking politics, you sounded like a TV parrot
Man, you were just a compulsive liar
If the saying were true, your entire closet would be on fire
We went out to a fancy restaurant for my birthday
I'm still kind of pissed you ducked the check and made me pay
At that party, you were anti-social and my friends made quips in good taste
You took offense and demanded to be taken home post-haste
I always appreciated that you wanted my company
But demanding I come over when I had a 102-degree fever was ghastly
Then there was our anniversary date when you got upset
You insisted no sex and I'd be lucky with what I could get
You told me I should lose some weight
Despite the fact your eating didn't abate
These are the women that I have dated
There have been more, there will be others as history has fated.
February 28th, at 3:07 am
Ok, so the chicks were kinda kooky, but you’re a bit dense for stickin around.
Beyond that, nobody should have to buy their own dinner on their birthday (or, for that matter, bake their own cake).
p.