“Bitchin’, Fussin’, Cussin’…”
Posted on Friday, February 3rd, by CJ
The memories of a three-month-long Christmas season are still echoing in my head. Mostly, it had to do with the fact that every radio station on the face of the Earth was playing nothing but Christmas music between Labor Day and Christmas Day. And every store and every mall and every elevator and every town square was playing Christmas Muzak. Don't get me wrong — I don't have much against Christmas, despite the fact that I'm not pleased about the whole "let's start the Christmas season right after July 4th" dealie. I like Christmas lights, as odd as it is to see them on palm trees. I just hate the incessant Christmas music.
That said, I don't know why Christmas is the only holiday that gets its own music. Sure, Adam Sandler did a Thanksgiving song and three almost-exactly-the-same Chanukah songs, but he's the only one who's really branched out into those arenas. So, with Valentine's Day quickly approaching, I'd like to propose some radio stations and Muzak put some Valentine's Day songs into their repertoires.
Of course, being the sarcastic single bastard that I am, I want to hear more stuff along the lines of twisted love songs. You know, like all those dumbass "12 Pains of Christmas" songs? Except something a little more anti-love oriented. I suggest these modest proposals:
James - "Laid"
Yes, everyone knows this song. But it's perfect — a man trying to get away from a psycho co-dependent woman who has strange tendencies towards gender-bending and stalking, but eventually wants her back in the end because he misses having someone there who will sleep with him.
Kermit The Frog & Rowlf The Dog - "I Hope That Somethin' Better Comes Along"
It's such a guy anthem. So what if it's a couple of Muppets? Everyone loves the Muppets — or did at some point. Besides, the song's about dealing with what we've got in front of us, realizing it's not great, and hoping that, well, something better comes along, which every guy thinks about at some point in almost every relationship. The first line sums up every guy's thoughts about women in general: "You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em."
The J. Geils Band - "Love Stinks"
Need I say anything more? This song about unrequited love should be my own personal anthem.
Guns 'n' Roses - "Used to Love Her"
Some say this song is about Axl's old dog, which I kind of hope is true since it talks about how he had to kill her and she's buried right in his backyard. On the other hand, constant complaining, bitching and driving him nuts? Yeah, that could totally be a woman.
I'm expecting a nice as-seen-on-TV collection on this to be available to the general public soon. In the meantime, I'm accepting suggestions for other songs to add to the compilation so that I might be able to assemble a complete list and shop it to K-Tel and Time-Life.
February 3rd, at 12:39 pm
“Bitch” by Sevendust - pretty self-explanitory;
“And Death In My Arms” by All that Remains - a pretyy heavy metal band that talks in this particular song of strangling a chick
Hmmmm…after careful consideration of my last recommendation I’ve decided to stop sharing songs because I look psycho. I’m just a metal chick, can’t help it.
February 3rd, at 11:24 pm
“Girl Don’t Go Away Mad, Just Go Away”?
February 5th, at 4:54 pm
Dirty Water by the Standells. Sorry, but you don’t know love until you’ve had your heart broken spectacularly, no less, more times that you can remember, and then to have the affair finally consummated. Ahhhh… Spring Training in 13 days!!