Boyspoke’s Bitch of the Month Club
Posted on Wednesday, February 1st, by Mickey
Take a quick surf on the internet and you'll see that everyone is up to their asses in awards. Everyone is giving out accolades. Everyone is giving recognition. Well, here at boyspoke, we don't want to spend all of our time bitching about women. Instead, it's time to start giving some lip-service to the women we love: Boyspoke's Bitch of the Month Club!
This inaugural month we needed to pick a bitch almost as perennial as the club we are founding. We needed our first bitch to really stand out. So after almost endless debate, we decided that this month we should honor the sextacular Kari Wuhrer. You might know Kari as the talented bitch you've seen in such classic films as: Beastmaster 2, Anaconda, Touch Me, 8 Legged Freaks, Hellraiser 7: Deader, and many more, often under-rated, boobtastic movies. You might also know her as "The Poor Man's Angelina Jolie," or "That Bitch Who Always Gets Her Tits Out on Screen."
She deserves this award, not because we're a shallow group around here who only want sexy bitches, but because this bitch satisfies a serious need in Hollywood. Every day in Tinsel Town, some writer works up a script that needs a trashy bitch character just to orchestrate a good story. Take, for instance, Thinner, which called for a trashy bitch of a gypsy to cast a curse on the fat main character after he stares at her cans: Kari graciously accepted the part. Or, as another example, Kari Wuhrer: Poison (yes, her name's in the title!), focused on a recently widowed bitch who takes slutty revenge on the people who drove her husband to kill himself: Kari brought the bitch's character to life! What would modern filmmaking be without Kari to fill these bitch roles?! Even off screen, Hollywood needs a wild bitch to get crazy on the red carpet, to walk around without caring who sees her peek-a-boo nipple, and who isn't afraid to keep her T&A career going for twenty years! Now that's creamy!
Has any bitch ever made milk look so good? Granted, this bitch has been knocked up and her tits change size more frequently than, say, a bitch who gets fakes and just sticks with them, but she's got attitude, style, longevity, and very few scruples. We love to see all of that in a single bitch, and that's why she's the February Bitch of the Month, and our very first inductee to the Bitch of the Month Club. Congratulations, Kari! Now to celebrate, why not swing by the Boyspoke Office so that we can reenact that great scene from Spider's Web…
February 1st, at 10:02 am
I think you set a record for the number of times the word “bitch” has been used in a single posting.
February 1st, at 10:39 am
Did I set a record or is it just that I met the quota?
February 1st, at 1:54 pm
What exactly are the guidelines you use to choose your “Bitch of the Month” winner? I feel like I need more of an in-depth description of this distinguished award.
February 3rd, at 2:25 am
Well, you have to be able to get naked within five minutes of the opening credits, I’d say…
February 3rd, at 12:22 pm
Wouldn’t that be considered more “Slut of the Month” and not “Bitch of the Month”? I was hoping for a real good cat fight type of chick!
February 3rd, at 3:12 pm
Oh, but Kari can really handle herself in a tussle with giant spiders and just about anything else…her movies are proof!
February 3rd, at 4:01 pm
I don’t know how I feel about one person having such intimate knowledge of the life and times of Kari… - LOL
The Mad Dater,
“Because there’s a Bastard in all of us”