Lingerie: Nature’s Extra Layer
Posted on Friday, February 24th, by CJ
A convergence of sorts led to this discussion: It basically came about when a bunch of us were watching the Super Bowl on my friend's giant plasma HDTV (which made me drool profusely, by the way) and the Victoria's Secret commercial came on while someone was in the kitchen singing Edwin Starr's "War."
The discussion ensued about what lingerie really is good for. I mean, you spend a lot of money on some revealing clothing that serves no function at all other than to turn on your lover — and then be taken off approximately 7 seconds later. And on top of which, if your lover is… ahem… properly enamored, or if he's The Hulk, then he might even just completely rip off the lingerie, which means you'll have spent about $300 on stuff from Victoria's Secret that you wore for about 30 seconds and can never wear again or return. You got screwed, sister.
As the discussion progressed and we held a roundtable debate on the topic, we each offered up our opinions on the topic. One of the males said that he enjoyed how the fabric felt against his skin, so that's why he wore it. One of the females said that she just had sexy underwear because it made her feel sexy but that she didn't go all out with the garters and snaps and stuff. Another one of the females said that she didn't have much use for underwear at all, prompting a mass male exodus to the bathrooms and various bedrooms in the apartment for, uh, private reflection on the revelation.
Once we reconvened, it was brought up that lingerie can be a powerful tool to seduce men — put an attractive woman in lingerie, and men everywhere can't do anything to resist them. It's that whole theory about guys are more turned on by the suggestion of sex, and the more extreme the suggestion, the more we're turned on. It's great that you can wear a tube top and a skirt that's like three inches long, but as long as the specific bits and pieces are covered up, all our minds can concentrate on is coming up with images of what you might look like without the coverage. We honestly can't process anything else.
If women weren't so self-conscious about the way they looked in lingerie, they would seriously be able to rise up and take over the world. Or major corporations. Or whatever they wanted. If a bunch of hot lingerie-wearing women walked into the White House or the Pentagon, they could disable the government as we know it and rule the world — for at least an afternoon or two.
February 27th, at 5:01 pm
Thanks for the tip. Do you have any idea what you’ve just done? Hold onto your balls, boys. We’re taking over.