*boyspoke…we’re not kidding around*

As I have gone to female friends for "translations" of what particular things said to me by women actually mean in realtime, so I have also served for a reverse male-to-blunt-English translator for women. However, I keep seeing the same kinds of requests show up, so, as a public service, I present to you… The Boyspoke Male-To-Blunt-English Translation of Popular Male Sayings! Feel free to print this out and distribute it. I'm hoping it'll find its way into some translation book-house's employee's hands, and I'll be forced to write a several hundred page translation book for an ungodly amount of money.

Here goes.

I totally wasn't thinking of sex. I don't want it to get in the way of our budding relationship.: Oh hell yes, I want to screw you and that's all I was thinking about, but you put the kibosh on that, and now I'm trying to get out of this immediate situation looking graceful and emotionally mature.

Hey, you're kind of cute.: I've had a few, and you're looking like a better prospect than you were before. Note: If not said in a bar or in an otherwise public setting, this may actually be sincere. Or it may still be a ploy to appeal to your zipper in the hopes it will loosen itself if we display boyish charm.

She means nothing to me. and/or She's just a friend.: Dammit, you caught me, but I'll try to downplay it to a friendship or just a casual hookup because most of us can separate hooking up and emotional attachment. I mean, you keep saying that you have male friends and there's nothing there, why can't I play that card and get away with it?

Oh, she just called because she wanted to borrow something. and/or She just called because she needs some help fixing something in her place.: Yeah, she wants to borrow something… my sweet love honker! Note: This may also indicate that something of his was left at her place after she used aforementioned sweet love honker and he needs to come pick it up.

Your family is great! Holy crap, why did you subject me to that? I'm thinking it's probably best to break things off now because I don't want to be around when you turn into that in 15 or 20 years!

You've got a great personality.: I'm trying to find something about you that I find appealing so I can justify screwing you.

Let's do a shot! I have to get you drunk fast before you figure out how lame I am and the fact that I can't hold up much of a conversation, so then we can stop talking, make out and then I can take you home and the only thing we'll need to talk about is what position we can do it in.

We probably shouldn't go back to my place, it's a mess. and/or My roommates are home right now. Yeah, there's something back at my place that I should've cleaned up but I didn't have a chance, and it's incriminating so I don't want you to see because if you do see it, you'll storm out of my place in a huff, and I'll end up creating my own Happy Ending with some select offerings from the Internets. And that would be bad. I'm starting to chafe.

Have a situation of your own with a guy that you're confused about? Send me a note and I'll translate it for you in a future post.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 3rd, at 12:18 pm and is filed under general bs + girls + dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. -->