Choose Your Own Disaster
Posted on Friday, April 28th, by CJ
You sit down at the table in a local popular restaurant on this, your first date. You've exchanged some e-mails and chatted a bit on the phone before, having met — gasp! — on an online dating service. It's your first time really seeing him, since his picture was a little blurry, and he is
- If he is TALL, DARK & HANDSOME, turn to page 33.
- If he is NOT BRAD PITT, BUT NOT BAD, turn to page 24.
- If he LOOKS LIKE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL GYM TEACHER'S NEPHEW, turn to page 43.
You chose NOT BRAD PITT, BUT NOT BAD.
You're okay with that. You know that not everyone can be Brad Pitt. Besides, at least he's not your high school gym teacher's nephew. He's even going to order some wine for the two of you. He orders
- If he orders A NICE CHARDONNAY, turn to page 12.
- If he orders ARBOR MIST, turn to page 23.
- If he orders WINE FROM A BOX, turn to page 18.
You chose WINE FROM A BOX.
Wine in a box can't be that bad. And he's strapped for cash. See, his fiancée just booted him out of the house that they shared, and he's had to move back in with his parents. And you know, there's those child-support payments for his other girlfriend, who's his baby momma. He was booted out of this latest house because he
- If he CHEATED ON HER WITH SOME CLUB TRAMP, turn to page 38.
- If he HAS A DRUG PROBLEM, turn to page 27.
- If he CHEATED ON HER WITH HER SISTER, WHO HAS A DRUG PROBLEM, turn to page 39.
You chose CHEATED ON HER WITH HER SISTER, WHO HAS A DRUG PROBLEM.
But it was all part of a business arrangement, because he managed to score her some rock, so she needed some way to pay him back and she didn't really have any money. See, he was doing her a favor! And since he didn't get paid for the drugs, well, you're going to have to pay for dinner. Or you'll have to both leave now and go to McDonald's for the value meal. You
- If you LEAVE AND GO TO MCDONALD'S, turn to page 51.
- If you STORM OUT, turn to page 47.
- If you TAKE PITY AND/OR ARE DESPERATE AND TAKE HIM HOME, turn to page 38.
You chose TAKE PITY AND/OR ARE DESPERATE AND TAKE HIM HOME.
It's been a lovely four months. He definitely gives you your personal space… he disappears for days at a time, and you have no idea where he is, even on nights when you've made plans together. And gee, you're late this month! You're going to be proud parents. And umm, well, that's actually going to be proud parent. He's going back to his ex.