*boyspoke…we’re not kidding around*

Pop culture is perpetuating such fallacies — that's FALLACIES, not phallacies — about men and our habits. So it's a little hard for women to distinguish what's real and what's not, and I don't blame them. Thank Jeebus there's guys like me to set the record straight.

Myth: Men name their, umm, winkies.
Cultural references:
- PCU: Droz: "Could you just tell her that Mr. Pokey stopped by?" Womynist: "Sam, you participated in a phallus naming?"
- Anchorman: Brian Fantana: "I know what you're asking yourself, and the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon, but I also nicknamed my testes — my left one is James Westfall, and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you just might get to meet the whole gang."
Reality: Okay, there are probably some guys who do. And if they do, they don't admit it publicly. But for the most part, there are a good number of us who really don't name our penises. Why not? Because to do so would just be dumb. What, you think we actually talk to the various parts of our bodies? Why, do women name and talk to their breasts?

Myth: Men trim the hedges.
Cultural references:
- Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle: Harold: "Are those my scissors? Dude, I trim my nose hair with those." Kumar: "Dude, I have been cutting my ass hair with them for the past six months."
Fact: Many men, in fact, do trim their pubes. Why not? It makes our equipment look bigger. Plus, it probably makes it more appealing for you ladies to make its acquaintance. This is the 21st Century, after all, and we're not all hippies and letting everything run free. We're about fashion these days, and it's not a matter of allowing the field grow — I've seen Debbie Does Dallas, and all those unfettered pubes almost scared me too much to pay attention to what was going on around the pubes.

Myth: Men do stupid things when we're drunk.
Cultural references:
- Old School: Frank The Tank: "We're going streaking!"
Fact: Okay, yes, guys do a lot of stupid things when we're drunk. A lot of stupid things when we're drunk. And yes, some of them do involve nudity. But the nudity usually involves us getting naked in the bedroom with someone of the opposite sex whose attractiveness is questionable at first but gets more solid and increases throughout the night.

Myth: Men run out of steam.
Cultural references:
- Wedding Crashers: Jeremy Grey: "She took me below deck for forty-five minutes. I have no bodily fluids left in me."
Fact: For men, there is no such thing as too much sex. Vince Vaughn's character in that movie committed the Cardinal Sin of Myth-Creation. Please wipe that line from your minds. And if you happen to actually meet a guy who says he's had enough sex — first, excommunicate him from the Council of Manhood; then, come see me, and I will set you straight.

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