The Interschnitzel, Bastion of Love
Posted on Tuesday, May 23rd, by CJ
It's time once again for me to bring forth the spectre of online dating. This time, I'm not going to talk about my own experiences with it… no, this time, I'm going to take a look at other people's profiles and mock them openly. Realize that these are lines from actual, real, posted personals that people have put on the Internet.
- Married and completely single men should respond. Those with serious girlfriends should not. Right, because guys who've paid a ton of money for a ring and went through the whole ceremony are a lot more appealing and definitely more inclined to go out with random Internet women than guys who just have serious girlfriends?
- I'm heart broken and hurt… Damaged goods would be an understatement… Love turned me soft and now I pay the price in tears and sorrow. Yeah, there's a great hook that doesn't scream "desperate" at all. Even better, this was the opener of the listing.
- Greasers are it for me, men who appreciate hot rods, vintage clothes, furniture, cars. Men who think you should get dressed up to go to the theatre or dinner. Hi, step out of the time machine and welcome to the year 2006. Things have changed a bit from the 1950s, which you left only a few moments ago.
- Seeking a man who either philosophizes about sex or is philosophical during sex or who simply has sex and loves philosophy. I'll settle for the latter. Post-Modernist Heideggerians/Foucaultians please apply. You don't want a boyfriend… admit it, you never got past fucking your college philosophy professor, and you want to relive those wonder years.
- Most Importanly I Love & Adore My Precious Baby Bogey My Love Of My Life My hero My Miracle My Doggy (SON)!!!!!!!!!! If only you knew how old the person who posted this is…. I think she may also be having problems with her shift key and exclamation points.
- I easy going, sacastic, and love just get outta the house and do whatever! We haven't been speaking English too long, have we? And this from someone who claims to be a grad student in their posting's headline….