They Said There’d Be No Math Involved
Posted on Tuesday, May 16th, by CJ
Some random search engine request — "math equation explain what women do" — led some poor schmuck to this site. And honestly? If there was a math equation to explain why women do what they do, it'd take someone more brilliant than Einstein, Newton and Stephen Hawking combined to hash that math out. Hell, advanced math scares the crap out of me, and I still maintain that when you go into things like calculus and trigonometry where you have to use LETTERS to represent IMAGINARY NUMBERS, then it ceases to be math and it moves into science fiction. But, as I have a bad habit of doing, I digress.
There are, however, certain math equations relating to the female of the species that I have been able to pick up here and there. For instance, this one:
- Pack of cigarettes x 4 Starbucks Doubleshots = The daily caloric intake of your average psychotic Los Angeles female resident.
I've seen evidence of this. Really. In fact, I just came back from the drugstore, where the late-30-something or early-40-something woman standing behind me in line threw a minor fit because they were out of the Doubleshots.
- Neuroses x Attitude + Good Looks = Bad combination.
That's one of the most dangerous equations of women on the face of the Earth. It's the one that every man dreads. She knows she's good-looking, will use that to her advantage when dealing with men to get whatever she wants ephemerally (e.g.: drinks bought for her, jumped to the front of the line, etc.), but God forbid she fall into a relationship-style situation or anything where she might be slightly dependent on a guy, because then she just falls to pieces. Especially in the first part of the relationship. He hasn't called me. Why hasn't he called me? I don't need him, I can go down to the bar and get 10 more guys to drool over me. Then I'll go home and finish up my night with my dinner portion of cigarettes and a Doubleshot.
- Boobs + Loving video games, sports and dumb humor + Single + Hot = Perfect.
Nuff said.