The New Wave
Posted on Tuesday, June 20th, by CJ
Let me offer up this campaign to Sprint for their new cell phone campaign. You know, the one where they talk about how many minutes you have on your plan so you never have to worry about it?
SETTING: A gym
SCENE: It's a busy night at the gym. There are many people milling around. We're in the cardio workout area, replete with elliptical trainers, treadmills, StairMasters and exercise bikes.
VOICEOVER: We know you're trying to fit a lot into your life, and we know that being important is a big part of your life…
Camera zooms in on a girl on an elliptical trainer. She is pedaling so slowly that, if she were walking at that pace on solid ground, a baby could crawl faster than she's going. She is talking really, really loudly into her cell phone.
GIRL: Oh, so I totally saw through his act. He was trying to be all suave and buy me a drink, but did you see that watch he had on? So fake! He probably drives a Volkswagen or something…
VOICEOVER: We know that it's important that you have good service on your phone, so you can talk anywhere — and we mean anywhere, even if it's inappropriate…
Camera zooms out slightly, and you see people on other machines looking annoyed and turning up their headphones, trying hard to ignore the girl even though her voice is cutting through their music.
GIRL: I know, did you see what she was wearing? Gah, I mean, like who walks out of their apartment wearing that? Well, if she was willing to make that kind of mistake, I'm not going to be the one to tell her. She should know better…
VOICEOVER: We know it's not only about being important, it's making sure other people know you're important too…
Camera moves to show the line of people waiting for an elliptical trainer, some of whom have been waiting for 10 minutes. Girl continues to pedal so slowly that there's no possible way in hell she could ever get any physical benefits from this so-called "workout," completely oblivious to the fact that she's monopolizing the equipment.
GIRL: Oh, I totally want to go to that place this weekend. But we can't take my car, because it won't match my outfit. Can you drive? What do you mean, you don't want to because you'll be in heels? Did you, like, expect me to drive?
VOICEOVER: Sprint. Because when you need enough cell phone minutes to annoy the fuck out of everyone around you and completely be way too self-absorbed, Sprint has the most.
June 20th, at 11:06 am
been reading from some time, and had to comment, because that would be a totally sweet commercial only because it’s so true.
and entirely obnoxious.
last night at the gym i saw these two 20something girls. faces caked in make up, wearing the matching black pants and wife beaters (which lightly exposed the pink bras which obviously couldn’t control a workout on the cross trainers - if you now what i mean).
one girl gets on the cross trainer, spends about 7 minutes getting everything ready (her ipod, her US weekly, her pink razor phone, her vitamin water) and then puts a towel on the machine next to her.
but where did her friend go?
in the course of the 20 minutes, about 12 people came up to the machine in which she rudely told them ‘it’s saved’. saving cross trainers? what is this the lunch bench at school?
20 minutes this wench had been gone, doing god knows what, only to come back to the glares of everyone in line waiting. i, of course, was paying attention intermittenly as i was watching jeopardy while doing my high energy workout. sans make up. sans pink bra. sans cell phone.
but the best part is, when her BFF came back to work out - they both got on their cells phones! why did they need to be next to each other, besides to feel the comfort of having an almost disguistingly twin work out right next to you.
madness i tell you. pure madness.