*boyspoke…we’re not kidding around*

Let me offer up this campaign to Sprint for their new cell phone campaign. You know, the one where they talk about how many minutes you have on your plan so you never have to worry about it?
SETTING: A gym
SCENE: It’s a busy night at the gym. There are many people milling […]

I’ll preface this by saying that I was never one of those people who thought that showing off by buying a particular car was something that should be done. I don’t care what kind of car you drive. In this city, the City of SUVs and High-End Luxury Cars, more often than not, […]

So. Last night, ABC premiered its series How to Get the Guy, a so-called “romantic reality” show that follows four San Francisco chicks over six episodes on their quest for the Holy Grail — er, I mean, loooooove, exciting and neeeeeeeeeew…. They are “taking hold of their own romantic destinies and declare to […]

The line from Clueless really is true: “Sometimes, you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.” Then again, as if we really needed any reminders?
Here’s the thing, though — it’s summertime, especially here in Los Angeles. Summer means tank-tops. […]

Some random search engine request — “math equation explain what women do” — led some poor schmuck to this site. And honestly? If there was a math equation to explain why women do what they do, it’d take someone more brilliant than Einstein, Newton and Stephen Hawking combined to hash that math out. […]

You sit down at the table in a local popular restaurant on this, your first date. You’ve exchanged some e-mails and chatted a bit on the phone before, having met — gasp! — on an online dating service. It’s your first time really seeing him, since his picture was a little blurry, and […]

I’ve thought long and hard about le click and its impact upon my dating life. And I’ve taken into account advice from my best friend, a slew of other friends and random strangers. But I’ve come to the conclusion that, well, I need to follow my gut.
Yes, I know that whole […]

Please answer the following multiple-choice questionnaire to the best of your ability. The Boyspoke Institute of Better Understanding Women & Stuff appreciates your candor, honesty and willingness to expose your innermost secrets.
1. Ever been on a blind date?
a) Sure, I trust my friends.
b) Nah, I don’t need to be set up.
c) Holy crap, no, […]

Pop culture is perpetuating such fallacies — that’s FALLACIES, not phallacies — about men and our habits. So it’s a little hard for women to distinguish what’s real and what’s not, and I don’t blame them. Thank Jeebus there’s guys like me to set the record straight.
Myth: Men name their, […]

Wow, people are actually turning to me for advice. Suckers. I mean, awesome! I love giving advice, just as long as I don’t have to take it myself.
Okay, so what does it mean when a guy who’s gay is always saying that if he weren’t gay, he would totally want to marry […]

Last week, in a gala event in Norway, the Institute for the Betterment of Men Everywhere released the long-awaited results of a survey they’ve been conducting with men around the world over the past two decades. The results were originally scheduled to come out three years ago, but someone accidentally spilled coffee on the […]

So I keep a spare e-mail address. Actually, more than one. The function of these spare e-mail addresses is to keep me safe from the insane masses out there — because believe you me (and my friends who have heard my multiple Dates From Hell stories), there are some crazies out there, and […]

So, have you been having fun reading these here missives from the Boyspoke staff? Wonder what it would be like to kick back in the Boyspoke lounge with us cool kids, drink some beer (or Jack or Stoli or whatever your drink of choice is) that’s being served to you by gorgeous women, while […]

Is it any wonder that you keep seeing the same famous women pop up on the covers of magazines like Maxim or Stuff or Spank Fantasies? (Uhh… okay, so maybe you’re not seeing that one on your local newsstand… or in our bedrooms.) They’re representatives of a larger picture… kind of like ambassadors […]

As I have gone to female friends for “translations” of what particular things said to me by women actually mean in realtime, so I have also served for a reverse male-to-blunt-English translator for women. However, I keep seeing the same kinds of requests show up, so, as a public service, I present to you… […]

I’m a rare breed — my best friend is a woman. And there’s no romantic interest between us. Oh, I’ll fully admit that she’s hot, and I’m definitely not alone in that opinion… it combines with her kickass personality to make an incredible package of a person. Sadly, that also means that […]