Pimp My Ride, Please
Posted on Friday, June 16th, by CJ
I'll preface this by saying that I was never one of those people who thought that showing off by buying a particular car was something that should be done. I don't care what kind of car you drive. In this city, the City of SUVs and High-End Luxury Cars, more often than not, I will even frown upon people who drive around like they own the road simply because they are behind the wheel of a Mercedes-Benz (Benz drivers appear to be the worst offenders) or a Porsche or something. Much as I might like to, I do not drive a sports car or a convertible or a high-end Lexus or something else absurdly expensive.
But I do drive a fairly well-kept car, and she's in good shape. (Yes, my car is female. We make an excellent team. Get over it.) She may not be flashy, but I firmly believe it's the person behind the wheel who makes the biggest difference. I had a Porsche challenge me late at night once up on Sunset Boulevard, and because he didn't know how to handle his machine, he lost. Sucker.
And I feel comfortable occasionally glancing over at a stoplight or when I'm stopped in traffic and making eye contact with some of those members of the fairer sex who happened to be in nearby cars. I'm a people-watcher, I can't help it. And there's a ton of people to be watched in Los Angeles. Plus, my car may not be eye-catching, but at least she's respectable.
That is, until my car went into the shop for some routine repairs this week. When I went to the rental car place, I told them, "I need something cheap and small." They obliged me. Enter: The Kia Rio. This thing is lucky if it has 3 cylinders in it. It was bare-bones to the point where Kia touts, among other features, dual cupholders and front-door map pockets. Wooooooo.
But I shouldn't complain. I got what I asked for — something small and cheap. The little fucker needed a headwind to make it up big hills, but it got me to work and back, even if I was relieved beyond belief when my car was ready and I could turn in this shitbox. And then I got stuck in traffic on my way up to the car rental place. And I suddenly became very aware of what I was driving.
It's very hard to make eye contact with an attractive female when you're behind the wheel of a Kia Rio. Normally, I'd scoff at someone sitting in a Lexus or an Infiniti who looked down her nose at anyone because their car wasn't good enough, but honestly? Sitting in that thing, I silently forgave anyone who might laugh at me or scorn me for being in this thing. I kept my eyes straight ahead while I was sitting in traffic or stopped at a stoplight, and I did not attempt to look at anyone. (Well, except for the meathead parking his Camaro Z28. He was fitting the stereotype so well that he deserved to be laughed at, no matter what I was driving.)
If Kia ever decides to do a full-on marketing push for the Rio, may I suggest this slogan: "The Kia Rio: You Have No Game. Zero. Don't Even Try."
June 19th, at 4:49 pm
CJ, I don’t even have a car here in D.C. the metro and cabs serve me well, but you live in L.A. and that’s important in L.A. I think or was it the movie Swingers where it’s made evident. But anyway, you can rent these “Zip Cars” and get like a Mini Cooper, or Truck or look like Homey in a Scion Van. They do indeed have the Kia, but I don’t think people rent them. Those look like the cleanest cars on the street. The criminals won’t even steal them per chance a “fine ass lady” would see them driving a Kia. Korean cars, not good like the barbecue.
June 22nd, at 12:58 pm
The Rio is indeed a p.o.s. of the highest degree. I had a rental one a few months back and really figure I could have done better with a pair of roller skates. Does anyone ever actually purchase them or is the rental car industry keeping the company afloat?