*boyspoke…we’re not kidding around*

Some scientific study somewhere concluded that guys think about sex once every seven seconds. While I think it should be more like once every two or three seconds (thanks, nerds), I'll freely admit that it's sometimes a challenge to stay on this sex-thought train. I mean, occasionally, we dudes have to resort to some pretty crafty measures to make sure we're giving our libido its every-seven-second figurative ego stroke. This is, of course, when we're not giving it the literal stroke, but I digress.

Whether it's undressing a female parishoner during the annual appease-grandma-by-going-to-church-on-christmas visit or trying to figure out what the girl at Starbucks' rack looks like under that apron, we resort to some fairly extreme measures to think about sex. I, however, am a bit of a closet psychologist, so merely thinking about sex doesn't cut it for me. For some reason, I feel the need to go beyond mere T&A objectification, and I usually do that by trying to put my finger on (ha ha) a girl's sexual nature.

Is she a slut? Is she the type who will want to bang three or four times a day? Does that one cum cum cum while we shag (talk about your ego stroke)? Does that one even want to have sex? How many religious and social hangups would I have to work through to hit that? I bet that one doesn't give head because she thinks it's "icky" (kill me, please). You get the idea.

Me personally? Rock likes the slutty ones. Rock likes em when they cum, and he requires that they be sword swallowers. Big racks, round asses, you know, stereotypical porn star looks. Ahhhh. While I snap out of fantasy land here, let me get to the point of this post.

My hot, slutty girlfriend who looks like a porn star is a TV junkie, so on most nights, I end up catching bits and pieces of that god-awful drivel they throw out there on TV these days. Naturally, I'm playing "Spot the Slut" the entire time I'm watching, so things aren't all that boring. Even better, my girl is happy to play right along with me, making for double the fun!

Last night, we were playing StS while watching The Bachelor, and I can't get over how offended I am by the lack of sluttiness on that show. My girlfriend is convinced that none of the ladies will end up with Dr. Whatshisname because they haven't yet shown the willingness to "just give him a blowjob already." Besides the fact that she's obviously a good woman, my slut (that's her pet name) is also totally on-point as far as I'm concerned. From the looks of it, Dr. Whatshisname would probably turn down a good ole jewel-rockin' BJ, making him a complete pussy in my book. But that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, Rock wants to know, do you play Spot the Slut? In public? While watching TV? While reading Girlspoke?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 7th, at 5:13 pm and is filed under general bs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. -->