*boyspoke…we’re not kidding around*

So I've recently become obsessed with this new social-networking site where it's all about "tagging" people with descriptors — and you're rated by popularity according to how many people give you a "thumbs-up" on your profile. Needless to say, I now check my profile about 18 trillion times a day to see how I'm ranked on the site and to see if my popularity rating has gone up.

And, also needless to say, I've done… well, certain things to possibly promote an increase of my popularity, like leaving tags on random people's profiles so they might come to my profile and give me more thumbs-ups. Yeah, fine, call it pathetic, but dammit, I'm becoming more popular and you're sitting there calling me names and not accomplishing much beyond that.

This got me to thinking — not that I do that very often, but still — about the various things we guys do to keep the womenfolk happy… in essence, things we'll do for popularity. Such items include:

- Watching romantic movies with you. Thankfully, I can say with all truthfulness that I have never seen Steel Magnolias because I never reached that tender point in the relationship where she made me watch it with her. Plus, I've never dated anyone who would really be hell-bent on making me watch that movie with her. If I'm going to watch something romantic, it damn well better have either (a) some action, (b) some explosions, (c) some nakedness — and I'm not talking about male nakedness, (d) some comedy or (e) all of the above, which would make it the awesomest romantic movie ever.

- Pretending we care about every detail of every day that you complain about when we first see you. Especially in long-term relationships where you're living together or see each other every day. You know that chick in your office who aggravates the fuck out of you by talking loudly on the phone in the next cube about stuff that's totally inappropriate for the office? Yeah, after hearing about it for five days a week, seven weeks in a row, it starts to get old. But you'll never know we feel that way. At least not for a good long while.

- Put on the music you like in the car/allow you to control the radio. We don't like Usher. Really. At all.

- Be on our best behavior when we meet your friends for the first time. Yeah, we know you're showing us off — and also that we have to pass the approval test from your girlfriends. So we'll refrain from belching or making fun of your friend who ordered the girliest drink on the planet. And we'll smile and nod and pretend to be interested when you and your posse launch into a 10-minute discussion about the best place for shoe or clothes shopping and the great bargains you found, when in our minds, the only thing keeping us going is the thought of hot approval-by-friends sex later that night.

- Make the bed. It's just going to get unmade again when we get into it… why bother putting in the effort? Okay, okay, we get it, you like a nicely made bed. It's all about presentation. So we'll put in the effort. For now.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 31st, at 8:00 am and is filed under girls + dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. -->