*boyspoke…we’re not kidding around*

Yes, looks are definitely a factor when deciding whether you’re going to (a) hit that, (b) date that or (c) marry that. I mean, sexual attraction is the difference between friends and more, so wouldn’t you need to find someone attractive on the outside too in order to want to have sex with them? […]

Pardon me while I go all intellectual on you for a second here.
So, I read an article by Gail Sheehy, author of Sex and the Seasoned Woman, called “Why Marriage Is Good Medicine for Men.” In it, she claims that marriage has actual physical benefits for men, including decreased stress, decreased chance of cancer, […]

So. Last night, ABC premiered its series How to Get the Guy, a so-called “romantic reality” show that follows four San Francisco chicks over six episodes on their quest for the Holy Grail — er, I mean, loooooove, exciting and neeeeeeeeeew…. They are “taking hold of their own romantic destinies and declare to […]

You know that picture of the aftermath of a couple having sex on a dusty car hood? Snopes says it may not be real! Gasp! Insert shock and awe! My world is crumbling as I write this.
My entire perspective on things having been thrown into disarray, I began wondering […]

It’s time once again for me to bring forth the spectre of online dating. This time, I’m not going to talk about my own experiences with it… no, this time, I’m going to take a look at other people’s profiles and mock them openly. Realize that these are lines from actual, real, […]

Some random search engine request — “math equation explain what women do” — led some poor schmuck to this site. And honestly? If there was a math equation to explain why women do what they do, it’d take someone more brilliant than Einstein, Newton and Stephen Hawking combined to hash that math out. […]

My ex-girlfriend was propositioned for a three-way.
No, not now. I have no idea if she has since I dumped her, since she went psycho on me and I haven’t spoken to her or seen her in several months. But that’s another story for another entry. But while we were together, she was […]

So now I know what it feels like.
I was at a club on Saturday night, out on the dance floor, when some random drunk dude came up to me, grabbed me by the hand, actually twirled me around and told me, “I love your shirt, man.” (I was wearing just a plain old Jimmy […]

You sit down at the table in a local popular restaurant on this, your first date. You’ve exchanged some e-mails and chatted a bit on the phone before, having met — gasp! — on an online dating service. It’s your first time really seeing him, since his picture was a little blurry, and […]

Bachelorhood rocks.
I live alone. I do what I want, when I want and with who I want. I answer to no one except those who I choose to make plans with. I wear what I want, I go out as late as I want, I go out with who I […]

I’ve thought long and hard about le click and its impact upon my dating life. And I’ve taken into account advice from my best friend, a slew of other friends and random strangers. But I’ve come to the conclusion that, well, I need to follow my gut.
Yes, I know that whole […]

Please answer the following multiple-choice questionnaire to the best of your ability. The Boyspoke Institute of Better Understanding Women & Stuff appreciates your candor, honesty and willingness to expose your innermost secrets.
1. Ever been on a blind date?
a) Sure, I trust my friends.
b) Nah, I don’t need to be set up.
c) Holy crap, no, […]

Okay, so guess what? I’ve actually been dating recently. Maybe that’s one reason why I was late with this post. And yes, real women, not just, you know, imaginary dates or hookers. I’m sorry — they prefer the term “escorts.”
Anyways, I’m a little conflicted at the moment. And for once, […]

So I’ve recently become obsessed with this new social-networking site where it’s all about “tagging” people with descriptors — and you’re rated by popularity according to how many people give you a “thumbs-up” on your profile. Needless to say, I now check my profile about 18 trillion times a day to see how I’m […]

Wow, people are actually turning to me for advice. Suckers. I mean, awesome! I love giving advice, just as long as I don’t have to take it myself.
Okay, so what does it mean when a guy who’s gay is always saying that if he weren’t gay, he would totally want to marry […]

Last week, in a gala event in Norway, the Institute for the Betterment of Men Everywhere released the long-awaited results of a survey they’ve been conducting with men around the world over the past two decades. The results were originally scheduled to come out three years ago, but someone accidentally spilled coffee on the […]

As I have gone to female friends for “translations” of what particular things said to me by women actually mean in realtime, so I have also served for a reverse male-to-blunt-English translator for women. However, I keep seeing the same kinds of requests show up, so, as a public service, I present to you… […]

Los Angeles Pre-Proposition Questionnaire

Before I attempt to engage you, the female, in conversation at this bar/nightclub/party/other assorted setting in the greater Los Angeles area, please take a moment to answer these questions to the best of your ability.
1. I am:
an aspiring actress, so I wait tables
an aspiring musician, so I wait […]

[Ed. note: If you’re unfamiliar with the song “88 Lines About 44 Women” by The Nails, read this before going further. So what if my rhyme scheme isn’t exact? Let’s see you do all this.]
I really felt appreciated when you took the call from your ex
Immediately after we had sex
Cleaning my desk […]

I have to make a confession. I’ve been lazy and I haven’t updated my bio over there on the sidebar. I’m not in New York anymore… or Kansas, for that matter. I’ve packed my shiznayit and hauled it across the country to the Land of Plastic & Sun — El Pueblo de […]

I have a confession to make about something that you might’ve known or realized already: I do online dating. There. I’ve said it. Don’t you want to make fun of me now? Of course not, because you’re probably doing it too. Plus, it seems that online dating has become […]

Technology is killing chivarly. Chilvary. Dammit. CHIVALRY. There. My stupid fingers finally forced the word out. But however you might spell it, technology and convenience (hey, I got that one right on the first try!) are killing it. Actually, it’s mostly dead already.
Back when the kids went on […]

One of my friends maintains that, in order to pick up any woman, all you need is his three-point plan. When he first said this to me, I immediately asked him why he wasn’t marketing his plan on late-night TV, but upon hearing his explanation, I understood why. Steps 1 and 2 are […]